I Went on a Rough First Date.
It was 10 years ago today and we're married now.
Dating sucked for me. I was so awkward and finnicky most of the time and when I did find someone that was interested, it never lasted. It was always a whole lot of bad dates followed by an mediocre relationship that ended in disaster. Then, the whole cycle would get rinsed off and would begin again. To make matters worse, the Army would move me around every couple of years so, I never had the chance to relax and date and find someone worthwhile. Dating and failed relationships were the only constants I had for a while, besides the Army. In 2013, I swore off dating and wanted to be matched by someone or something else.
It was a new year’s resolution, actually. I was on a short deployment and was scheduled to rotate home in April of that year. I’d had it with the games that I had to play to just get a date. On top of that, I was not good at it. A friend of mine that lived in connex city with me (a collection of 20’ shipping containers converted into individual rooms and stacked three high by 15 wide and deep) recommended I try a new dating service called Match. I was 39 already and had nothing to lose. It seemed like time was against me and back then, I didn’t tell myself that it was ok to be alone. I saw all those commercials claiming targeted match making, leaving very little to chance, and I figured, that was the answer.
As soon as I got back home, I began my internet dating in earnest. I saw a woman’s profile on Match and she had a huge smile on her face. She looked happy and pretty. Her bio described her as smart, too. I reached out and within a few days we were texting back and forth. We decided to go on a date but she insisted that we go for drinks/happy hour instead of dinner or something like that. I really liked the less formal meet up and that was a first for me. I usually went all out with fancy dinners and events. This seemed lower threat.
Kate and I met at a nice bar called Town Hall in the Glover Park neighborhood of D.C. Glover Park is Georgetown’s broke cousin - very cool but not pompous. I waited at a table near the huge open windows at the front, facing the street. I didn’t want to be hard to find.
She walked up, flashed me that big smile, and she sat down. Honestly, I was a bit star struck. She was charming, smart, and no-nonsense. Completely different from the women I dated the traditional way. I kinda liked her right off the bat.
The server came over and took our drinks. I was into beer back then and really liked seasonal beers. It was late spring and there were lots of wheat ales on the seasonal brew menu. I chose the Raspberry Wheat Ale from a local brewer. Kate chose an IPA, and a brutal one. After the server left, she looked at me and said, ‘Wow, I have manlier taste in beer than you do.’ I laughed it off but I was really worried that she didn’t find me attractive. Instead of writing the date off, I stuck with it. We engaged in some light/medium conversation.
Now, back then, I had a really bad habit of scrolling through something on my phone when someone was talking to me. And it was really bad. I did it while on our date. I asked Kate a question about something and while she was answering, I picked up my phone and started scrolling through something mindless. She said,
‘Look, if what ever you’re doing on your phone is so important, maybe you shouldn’t be on a date with me.’
BLAM! She slam dunked me. Instead of being patient and waiting for me to stop scrolling, she called me out. And good for her. I turned off my phone and put it down on the table next to us. To this day, I almost never have my phone out during dates or parties. She set me straight early.
The last thing I remember clearly was during a conversation near the end of our date, I said something half baked and opinionated. All she said was,
‘No, no. Not correct.’
And then she proceeded to correct me in a very nice way. I have no idea what I said but it was probably dumb. She didn’t let it go or brush it off. She squared her shoulders and engaged. That is something I really liked. To this day, it is one of Kate’s strong points.
Honestly, I didn’t think Kate would bother going on a second date with me. I decided to be bold and swing for the fence. I asked her if I could see her again and she said…
‘Maybe.’
I felt a bit deflated. I offered to drive her home but Kate being Kate said ‘no’. She told me later on that she wasn’t comfortable with a semi-stranger knowing where she lived after only one date. Kate’s strongest point! She’s sensible.
When I got home, I texted her thanking her for a fun night and she agreed to go on another date with me. Thank goodness! We had many fun dates after that first rough one. We went to many events at the Kennedy Center, dinners, brunches, we met each others’ friends, families, and we still do that to this very day.
May 6th, 2013 was our first date and today is the 10 year anniversary of that great night. Happy First Date Anniversary, Kate! I love you.
This is so sweet! She does sound sensible. Happy First Date Anniversary.